No Bad Habits Allowed

Ever since I was little, I always had a drive for making people laugh. It was just a thing that made me smile all the time knowing that I was the reason behind someone's smile. By being overjoyed into this, I started to perform year after year in anyway I could. It became such a normal thing for me when I was younger. It was from being in dance for a numerous amount of years of the Tillies stage to being chosen as the lead singer for a preschool band. For preschool, there was a stage at this classmate's party. It had a room with that stage all set up with everything you would need for a band. Since I had no idea what I was doing, I just waited where I would be in that band. The classmate chose to put me as lead singer. I remember it faintly, but I think my voice at that time was starting out. It got me more into the swing of having people watch me more and more. With this coming around as more of a thrive to be on stage, I had my chance to be in it during 5th grade. That is where my acting career as I think took off. I got a lead role in that musical. Even though I was pushed out by being the villain, I stayed by myself while we rehearsed. It was such an experience too. The only thing that made me happy was to see people's faces light up when I had a funny line to say. I used improv in certain scenes when I was Mrs. Gulch. It was an amazing show in general, but that show did teach me a lot about myself. From then on, every musical I was ever in, I got a lead part in it. I leaned toward getting the comedic roles instead of the dramatic ones. I wanted to make people laugh and remember me in a certain scene even if I was up for a short period of time. 

However, today during rehearsal, I did a habit I had picked up in middle school. It was something has always happened in the middle school during the rehearsals all the time. I made myself always look at the director of the show to see if I was doing it right. Basically, I was trying to get a sense of approval from the director on whether or not what I'm doing is the right thing. When my middle school director would notice, she would tell me to stop. Eventually, I stopped. Ever since then, I have picked back up the habit without even realizing it. This year I wasn't one of the main leads in the dramas or musicals with big lines to say. With the drama, I have a certain part that I have a good amount of lines for.  I just tend to freeze up and not know if I am doing it right. It just bothers me having that happen to me all the time.. It makes me so uncomfortable when I happens that I want to work on trying to stop it. It is a habit that needs to be stopped. I want it to stop after all.