No Bad Habits Allowed

Ever since I was little, I always had a drive for making people laugh. It was just a thing that made me smile all the time knowing that I was the reason behind someone's smile. By being overjoyed into this, I started to perform year after year in anyway I could. It became such a normal thing for me when I was younger. It was from being in dance for a numerous amount of years of the Tillies stage to being chosen as the lead singer for a preschool band. For preschool, there was a stage at this classmate's party. It had a room with that stage all set up with everything you would need for a band. Since I had no idea what I was doing, I just waited where I would be in that band. The classmate chose to put me as lead singer. I remember it faintly, but I think my voice at that time was starting out. It got me more into the swing of having people watch me more and more. With this coming around as more of a thrive to be on stage, I had my chance to be in it during 5th grade. That is where my acting career as I think took off. I got a lead role in that musical. Even though I was pushed out by being the villain, I stayed by myself while we rehearsed. It was such an experience too. The only thing that made me happy was to see people's faces light up when I had a funny line to say. I used improv in certain scenes when I was Mrs. Gulch. It was an amazing show in general, but that show did teach me a lot about myself. From then on, every musical I was ever in, I got a lead part in it. I leaned toward getting the comedic roles instead of the dramatic ones. I wanted to make people laugh and remember me in a certain scene even if I was up for a short period of time. 

However, today during rehearsal, I did a habit I had picked up in middle school. It was something has always happened in the middle school during the rehearsals all the time. I made myself always look at the director of the show to see if I was doing it right. Basically, I was trying to get a sense of approval from the director on whether or not what I'm doing is the right thing. When my middle school director would notice, she would tell me to stop. Eventually, I stopped. Ever since then, I have picked back up the habit without even realizing it. This year I wasn't one of the main leads in the dramas or musicals with big lines to say. With the drama, I have a certain part that I have a good amount of lines for.  I just tend to freeze up and not know if I am doing it right. It just bothers me having that happen to me all the time.. It makes me so uncomfortable when I happens that I want to work on trying to stop it. It is a habit that needs to be stopped. I want it to stop after all.  

There Are Some

I wanted to blog post today, but I thought why not write a poem based on how I view the world today. So instead of a regular blog post, here is my poem.

There are some in this world who believe in love
Others just put in more hate
There are some in this world who give life a shove
Others just are used to discriminate
There are some people in this world who get lost in a dream
Others just put in more than they mean
There are some people in this world who are on the same team
Others just are acting someone they aren't, that is keen
There are some people in this world who give life a chance
Others just put there emotions on the line, not willing to try
There are some people in this world who take a stance
Others just are willing to die
There are some people in this world who do there special dance
Others just put in no emotions
There are some people in this world who go with hope in prance
Others just are causing commotions
There are some people in this world who would rather smile
Others just put their souls in fashion
There are some people in this world who would rather take a while
Others just are not knowing that they are trashin
There are some people in this world who have acceptance
Others just put in the fake ness to rot
There are some people in this world who would do penance
Others just are taking the path to trot

What are Seven Billion People Doing Right Now?

Today, I was thinking about what goes on in the rest of the world. It makes me think of how other people go about their daily lives. How everyone is so diverse in not only the way they look, but of how the constant actions they do every day. Everybody has some type of way to wake themselves up in the morning whether it be an alarm clock or a mother waking them up to go to school. Maybe the person didn't sleep at all that night and woke up all cranky. Sometimes, my cat wakes me up with her constant meowing every morning. If we were on a farm, we wouldn't even need a rooster for how much she meows. That is another way people wake up on a normal basis. My sister get sprayed in the face every morning, so that helps her get ready for school. It just makes me think that once you step out of your bed, your day officially starts. When I start my day, my mind takes me to see different people around the world getting up at the same time as me. We would look different, yet doing the same actions. Maybe it would be someone that has the same name as me and would complete the same schedule as I do. With all of this thinking going on in the morning, I never get ready in time for school. I always drift off with  doing something else. In other words, during my own scheduled routine, I would just start to dream of how other people live. Having this kind of set up in the morning easily gets me hyped up to carry on with my day. 

It is not just how people wake up with all the different time zones and how they go about their daily routines in life. I make myself imagine what it would be like after that point. Varying from ages 1 to maybe 125 ( age for the world's oldest person alive) , what goes on during a normal basis for them? I want to see it from people's different points of view. To see what it would be like to live in someone else's shoes for a change. We all wake up and everything, but after that then what happens next? Just to mention that with the power of YouTube, you can see other people 's "supposed" daily routines. They have their own channel and everything with a million views daily on what they would do for their morning or night routines. I mean, why would you record yourself doing your own routine in the morning. For me, if it was in the morning or at night, that would be the one time that I can have some personal time with myself. It's time to think about how my day is going to go or reflect on how it went. Even though I do love the videos that these people make, I don't want someone to set up my own routine for me in the morning. It makes their routine seem to be the "ideal" one. Why can't we just keep it as our own? I do care for the fact that every person apart of the 7 billion that make up the world today should do their own thing. Which brings it back to the fact that I wonder what these people are doing right now at this very moment. 

The Library or DTC?

My friends and I would usually go to the library to study for tests or just do textbook work to get it over with. Today was unlike usual days. As some of you may not know, there is a club called DTC. It is the Dance Theater Company. I was going to try out for a spot in one of the dances, but I had to much on my hands to do with homework, clubs and the musical. The way DTC works is you would need to create a group. I didn't have one because from me running around from spot to spot I never had the time to. However, in this group you would arrange, you would need to over the course of a year create a dance routine. It doesn't seem like much until certain people find out what little time they have to choreograph their very own dance. Also, the fact that money comes to being involved. You would need to fund for the lighting at the end of the year show all of these dance numbers would be in. It seemed to me to be a lot of fun, but I didn't have the time or money to make it work. So, you would either have to bring in 20 dollars every audition that you went to for you dance. On the other hand, you could go into this complicated candy business that you would need to sell candy. To this day, it still confuses me on how the whole candy bag thing even works. Other than that, once they'd have enough money the show would go on. That is the way the whole thing would work. 

Now onto my friends, today after school they were choreographing their dance. They originally had three members. Due to grades, one of them had to drop because they were struggling. Somehow, my friends find time to do their work with the amount of time they are choreographing their two person dance. I have no idea how they make it work, but they just do. Earlier a couple of months ago, I wanted to join the group because I had nothing going on after school on certain days other than a few clubs. I wanted to be in their dance group so badly, but they just told me their were to many people. So, I tried to choreograph my own dance and I did. I'm still working on it today though. Anyways, so their original song got taken away from them making them ending up to change it. Either way, when I see these two dance, it seemed to me as thought they were telling a story. It looked as a form of art was creating itself with these two people, my friends. Other than that, with these two people dancing and them coming up with new moves, I learned more about them. It was not through language or faces that sent the message, but their movement as a whole. The way they moved spoke to me. It gave me that shiver down your spine when you see a magnificent painting that your absolutely in love with. Or the look of shock factor when you see someone's creation for the first time. My friends have told me that they aren't artists. In this way, I see them that they lied. They truly are. 

My Birth Giver

My mom is someone that I look upon as a true artist herself. She has been through the hard times growing up with three brothers. She has had her dolls thrown off the roof to be taunted by both younger and older brothers. Not only did she have to deal with all of this, but she learned from herself. She took action in her own life. This person taught her own self how to roller skate. Even when she would fall, she came right back up again. From the toy factory down the street, she got her own toys and her own dolls to play with. She rummaged through garbage just to find something to entertain herself. She found joy in other people's lost objects and rejects for non perfect things.With all this said, she went her own route. Some say that she was different from the rest. To me, she totally was.
She wasn't just a person that grew up down in the neighborhood. My mother was an artist. She was inspired from the day she first laid eyes on art. When she was younger, she tried out for a school art competition. With that, it was her natural work of art that won first prize. It was a ribbon and $25 dollars for her to spend any way she wanted to. That $25 made her get saved for many years to come. Soon she bought her own cassette player that she called her own. The one thing that was all hers. That cassette player lead her to create her own style in high school. Seeing the true values in her student body, she became friends with limited people her own age. The lower grades became the people she turned to with them worshiping the ground she walked on. It was something that she loved to help people out with advice and to have real conversations. It was times like these that inspired her to continue with her art career.
My birth giver wanted to go onto Italy to go to art school. It was her dream to go, but she was held back by her parents who wanted her to take a different route. She was talented and very blessed with an artistic hand, but it never went her way. Eventually, she found through jobs to fund her college courses to become a teacher. It was a good career for her to see how she went down that route and blossomed. Months turned to years and she had me. Even though she's a teacher, she still has a muse to pursue an art career through my eyes. Do I think that she is still an artist? Yes I do. Through the actions she completes every day makes her a different piece of artwork from society. I find it inspiring that I can learn from her artistic experiences to help me with my adventure.

I'm a Procrastinator

I am a procrastinator. I start projects with a good idea and never finish them. When I am given a project, I wait until the last minute to get it done. Somehow, I get a good grade on it at times. It ends up being not that bad to end up doing it that way all the time. Either way, the reason I don't start it is because I am not neccesarily into what the project is. There are those projects that you get and dread doing. For example, when I was in 8th grade, I had to do a history project about this American inventor I had no interest in at all. We had to write a research panphlet about our inventor. For me, I dread these kind of projects when they are given to us. I'm not into it at all. I would rather write a screen play about a scene about the inventor or making a colorful collage. The fact that I have to write a research paper about something just is not in my style at all. This is just for certain projects that I come across. Other projects like posters and power points I procrastinate about because I get easily distracted. It first starts off with me gathering up all of my ideas like your supposed to. Then, it's me trying to make a decision about which idea I like the most. Personally, I am not the greatest decision maker out there which is why I push it further and further away. I think that by giving two decisions I need to choose over some time to think about, it makes me choose the right one. Thus, it leads to distraction to me never getting it done in the end. Turns out that minutes will turn to hours and I will be up at midnight with out a project because I got easily distracted from not doing it.

Usually, I tell myself that I can watch for half an hour my favorite show. Ya know, relaxing before I get started. Sooner or later, the half an hour is up and up comes a new episode of  one of my other favorite tv shows. So, because I am so comfortable on my couch, I feel the sense to not get up. I convince myself that in another half an hour, I will get started. Basically, this kind of way for me to have some relaxation time does not help at all. This makes me get easily distracted about not getting my work done. This usually ends when something boring comes on the TV. After that, I have no idea what to do nextvwith my project. So instead, I sit on my bed and think of more ideas of how to my project. Usually, this concludes to me passing out. In the morning, no project. I am that kind of person that can't stay on one task to get things done. When I have to get a project done, and this is when I actually want to just get it out of my way, I go into intense isolation. This means that I shall lock myself in a room for hours on end until I get what I need to get done finished. Apparently, it is very hard for me to get anything done with a little sister who bugs you every second she gets home from afterschool. She puts on full fledged interviews wanting to know everything that happened about my day. She instigates everything I do. So, my solution is to lock myself in a tiny room and get it all done. Either way, it always works.

Fear of : Improv

I have always been that kind of person that loves to take risks and try new things. If you told me to jump out of a plane, I would most likely do it.  I would be into the whole feel of being adventurous to try new foods and visit new places. I do not like the feeling of being held down to just one place. I love to explore and to notice the world around me. When it comes to my art however, it turns into a whole other story. I would like to act and I want to pursue it one day as a career. On that note, I have learned that a skill that actresses need to have is improvisation. Improvisation is making up something as you go along. So, in that type of actiing, you would be taking the risk of seeing whether or not a certain scene would work out. For me, I have the fear of this because whenever I take on a cast I haven't been workimg with for a while, I suddenly freeze up. It puts me in a state that I am not used to and scared in fact if I got judged for messing up an improvisation. I kmow that in this kind of industry your going to be judged, but for now I need to be taught on how to take those punches. Now though, I just want to build a sense of trust with the cast that I work with for future shows and hope to get to know them better. This would lead to me being less fearful and more relaxed.

In the high school, I have been easily intimidated by the outstanding actors and actresses to take on the stage there. These fellow cast members have had more experience then me obviously. If I were in an improv scene with one of these members, I would not know what to do. I would fear the fact of messing up in front of them. I would not want to do that in front of talented kids themselves. I would practically look like a joke. The fact that I fear the chance of messing up is insane, but true. It just involves intimidation of a new area I do not have any familiar times with. At the same time, in the middle school I felt free to do anything that came to my mind. I had been working with the cast I loved for the last three years. People would come in and go , but I still got used to having those kind of people around. It made us one big dysfunctional family year after year that I have done the musical. Every single time that I was in a certain improv scene, year after year my confidence grew. I was taking the risks that I has always had imagined of doing. I thought of new material with the snap of my fingers. Last year was one of my greastest years in being the older kids in school. I more freedom to work with what I had. It felt amazing. Yet, when I got to to high school, it all changed. I was at the bottom working my way up with an unfamiliar director and cast. At this point, it was a long road ahead, but I would need to get used to it in order to one day pursue what I would like to do.

So all in all, I fear the fact that I am easily intimidated in a new environment that involves my art. I want to be able to do anything when it comes to an improv scene. I want to not care what anyone thinks.  I want to gain confidence in what I do and how I do it. I am a ristaker. For me, I want to overcome my obstacle in facing the stage with confidence. That this should involve not caring about what others think about what my improv is whether it ir weird or not to an extent. I want to learn how to take the punches one after the other. I want to ready for it. In the article that was given to me I quote, " What separates artists from ex-artists is that those who challenge their fears, continue; those who don’t, quit." I care about comtinuing on and pursuing what I would like to do. I need help with learning about how to deal with the road ahead for how to deal with the entertainment business. At this point, I want to be the kind of artist that moves ahead in my art discipline to say ," You know what, it was all worth it."